When we first meet that new “someone”, we are excited, enamored and jazzed about the possibilities of a beautiful love affair and all that it has to offer. We have our rose colored glasses on, see the mostly the good in people and love blooms. Then the quirks surface and we start thinking “I wish so-and-so would stop such-and-such; I wish he or she would be more of this or less of that”. Or, we get caught in that “I don’t deserve this person, look at all my faults”.
It’s when our focus shifts from what is wonderful to what is wrong that the happy love flower we watered with all of our hopes and excitement starts to wither.
Nothing destroys love faster than loathing. We don’t feel that we are hating ourselves or our partners, we simply hate those little things they do. But form follows focus, and where we place our thoughts, focus and energy sets the course for where our lives and relationships ultimately land.
The healthiest, most loving relationships I have are the ones with the people who are fully acquainted with my quirks and craziness, but don’t feed into it. They have a balanced view of who I am and focus on the shining qualities that drew them to me in the first place.
When we berate, criticize and punish ourselves and our mates for mistakes and indiscretions, it kills the spirit, and the affection. Love and confidence thrive in an atmosphere of acceptance. Accept yourself and your lover “as is”. Understand that there is good and not so good floating around in all of us, and that what we cultivate and encourage grows. Focus on what’s right and good with your mate. If that’s difficult, I’m willing to bet that you also have a problem with accepting yourself. Lighten up. Realize that you have quirks that probably make others want to shake us out of our madness, but love yourself anyway. Celebrate what’s amazing about yourself and others. Immediately forgive (yourself and everybody else) when ugly rears its head. Once we learn to accept the good and not so good and give the love we want for ourselves everything starts to come together beautifully.
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