Fear of Commitment


Are you dating someone who goes into a cold sweat when they hear the words commitment? Do you believe every choice you make has a consequence? Is planning for the future with someone a difficult process?

If so, I can relate. “Dating in the Dark,” “Retro Style Dating,” and “What is Love” are previous posts that demonstrate my commitment to helping others face the daunting reality that building a relationship requires a commitment. I’ve also written before that committing to the process of dating is key for creating the perfect dating experience.

Let me ask you…when you’re in a relationship and it does not work out, do you consider it a failed relationship? Do you also avoid the “Where is this relationship headed” question like the plague? If so, consider this. Is it possible that your opinions and views about past relationships, the unknown, and your definition of commitment are preventing you from pursuing a healthier and rewarding relationship?

I believe that uncertainty is the real reason why someone is apprehensive about the word commitment. With commitment comes having to make an investment in another person. It’s the uncertainty of that investment that we fear not the relationship. Uncertainty can bring about not only fear but also anxiety.

Another reason why someone may be afraid of commitment is that they become accountable for their actions. Their actions now impact someone else’s life. Being accountable may require you to identify and acknowledge your faults and to deal with someone else’s.

Another uncertainty around commitment is what the future holds. When talking about commitment, it’s typically implied that we’re talking about committing “forever.” That can put added anxiety on someone. Rather than associating “forever” with commitment and having that added anxiety, why not just commit to yourself and your partner for the moment.

Before you know it, a series of committed moments will turn into something healthy and longer lasting.

Date Smart… Date for Success!