Do you feel like you have no clue where your relationship is going? Do you find it hard determining the appropriate time to discuss with your partner what type of relationship you both are looking for? Are you currently unhappy with your relationship in which your partner’s idea of dating is late night hook-ups?
If so, I believe you may be “Dating in the Dark.” Not asking the right questions in the beginning of a relationship can leave you lost, confused and blind to your partner’s intentions. You’re also left with ambiguous thoughts and feelings.
Why wait six months to hear those dreaded words, “I can’t give you what you are looking for?” If you wait until six months into it, there really isn’t anything left to say! The only way to learn quickly about someone’s intentions is by asking. Hopefully by now you see the theme, “asking is the key to knowing!”
I do believe in taking it slow and going with the flow only if you both are on the same page and have a clear understanding about what each party is hoping to get out of the relationship.
Taking ownership of your dating identity can only make this process easier.
When it comes to dating we each have a dating identity. Some of us are looking for just a sexual relationship. Others are looking for a friendship or simply a companion. And others are looking for a committed monogamous relationship.
Once you’ve defined for yourself the type of relationship you are looking for, you are no longer prisoner to just “going with the flow” or waiting for someone to decide what they want. Who has that kind of time to waste anyhow? No longer will you be unable to recognize your inner spirit screaming at you that someone you are dating is not moving in the same direction.
In my early days, I didn’t understand that asking certain questions would actually be for my benefit and would make my dating life easier and healthier. And by asking questions to clarify the direction of a relationship you’re cutting down on valuable time investing too much time in someone who may eventually use that classic line, “I can’t give you want you are looking for!”
At one point in my dating life I was fearful of being called intense, direct, or seen as moving to fast in the relationship. Asking questions about the direction of a relationship can scare people. If your partner becomes scared of the questions, they are either not ready or not willing to truly commit to the process of dating and developing a relationship.
Often times those who ask direct questions and who are forthcoming about their intentions are perceived as desperate or relationship hungry. I think it’s possible they are just committed to the process of dating and not afraid to communicate. I call it, “Dating Smart… Dating for Success!
Have you ever been in a relationship where you knew right away that the person wasn’t ready and willing or had intentions different than you? What did you do? Did you say nothing and “went with the flow?” Or did you let them know you were not getting what you were looking for? If you can’t communicate or express your desires and feelings in the beginning of a relationship, you’re dating in the dark.