What is your dating identity? Are you ready to take ownership of it? Are you still craving a less frustrating but healthier dating experience?
If so, defining your dating identity and committing to it is the answer.
I think that many of us have been dating in the dark (see post Dating in the Dark) in hopes that the person we are dating will eventually view or want the same type of relationship we desire for ourselves. Wrong! You cannot make someone be or want a relationship that they don’t see themselves in.
After a handful of failed dates, I began to discover that one of the basic principals in dating is taking ownership of and a commitment to one’s “Dating Identity.” Having a “Dating Identity,” enables you to quickly assess if someone’s relationship goals are similar to yours. Some of us are looking for just a sexual relationship. Others are looking for a friendship or simply a companion. And others are looking for a committed monogamous relationship. I believe your relationship intentions coupled with your attitude towards relationships form your “Dating Identity.”
In previous posts, I’ve commented that committing to the process of dating is half the battle in the dating game. It’s the taking ownership part that can be the hardest and tricky part. It can be difficult being honest about your intentions with yourself and with someone you’re dating. You don’t want your ideas about dating to seem far-fetched and out of reach. But by having a clear and well thought out dating identity you live, eat and breathe a healthy relationship!
Your conversations and reactions to certain behaviors or actions are controlled by your dating identity. Just think how you would respond to someone if you are looking for a monogamous committed relationship but the person you are dating is only looking for a sexual relationship. Without a clear dating identity, you run the risk of having ambiguous feelings and confusion in the relationship. On the other hand, having a clear dating identity (knowing your intentions) and communicating that effectively, your overall dating experience will be fulfilling and complete with purpose.
Unfortunately, some would prefer to pretend they want something far from the truth in order to save face and avoid embarrassment. They don’t want to seem cold and heartless. However, I believe it’s when you don’t take ownership of your “Dating Identity” that you leave room for failure and usually end up misleading someone, causing undue heartache.
And in the reverse, if someone you’re dating says one thing but their actions show another, it’s a sign that they are not being true to their dating identity. When you’ve claimed your own identity, these warning signs become more visible. You become more responsive and you begin to ask the right questions that will lead you one step closer to the relationship you are seeking. No longer will you settle or wait for someone to make the decisions for you. You take control of your dating experience. Hey, it’s sexy when you can be confident and sure of what you want and don’t want.Ownership and committing to your dating identity is the path to Dating Smart… Dating for Success!