We read so many articles and listen to so many shows on “Red Flags of Relationships”, but what do we really know about “Green flags” of relationships? I found myself sitting down to really think about things people have told me pertaining to what makes their relationships work. After pondering and processing what I’ve learned over the years, I thought it would be helpful to come up with a list for you, my dedicated readers. Many of the items on my list I have experienced myself during my life time. I know what worked for me, and hopefully will work for you.
1-“Feel good about yourself”: This is a must. You can not engage nor be happy in a relationship if you are not happy with yourself. On the same token, your partner must also feel good about their own self. If one of you feels confident, secure and happy in who you are but the other person doesn’t, it mixes ingredients for a dysfunctional relationship.
2- “Laughter”: Laughter is a must! Do you laugh when you are together? Do you laugh at yourself, and is your partner capable of laughing at him/herself? Being able to laugh at yourself is a sure sign of security. Laughing together makes for a much more pleasant feeling . Not to mention, it’s great for your soul.
3- “Shows they care”: The old saying, “Actions speak louder than words” is a very wise one. People loosely throw the love word around a lot. Love only said is just words. Love with actions speak so much louder. There are so many ways to “show” someone you care about them. It should not be an effort to come up with ways to show your care, concern and affection.
4- “Communication”: This is a big one for me. Anyone who knows me knows I’m big on communicating. If something is bothering you, tell your partner. Don’t hold it in. Find a nice, calm way to discuss your concerns at the appropriate time. Preferably not the first minute they walk through the door! Other forms of communication are important as well. Does he/she return your text messages within a reasonable time? Does he/she return your phone calls within a reasonable time? There is absolutely no excuse for anyone to brush you aside and not respond to you. No matter how busy someone’s day is, they undoubtedly will be able to find 1 to 5 minutes somewhere in the day to respond to you. When and if they don’t, it’s brushing you off or being inconsiderate of your feelings and needs. A person who responds on a regular basis, is a person who is taking “you” into consideration.
5- “Respect”: Respect comes in many forms. Showing mutual respect is one of the biggest green flags. If your man/woman respects you, all else will fall into place. Does he/she demonstrate by their actions that they are respectful? Does your partner take time to communicate with you, allow you to be yourself and give you credit when it is due? All signs of respect.
6- “Go out of their way for you”: Will your partner go out of his/her way for you? Does he/she do things you like to do even though it’s not their favorite thing to do? Will he/she make time during their busy schedule to call you, see you or set up something special for you? A person who will go slightly out of their way to do something to make you feel special, is a person with genuine love, compassion and generally not selfish. In return, ask yourself if you would do the same for them?
7- “No jealousy”: Jealousy is a relationship killer. Not to say a little “overwhelming feeling of concern” isn’t a nice little gesture of caring, but jealousy is taking it over the limit. As human beings we are all built to be a little jealous at times. A person who is not jealous is a person who is secure, confident and happy, which in turn allows them to not be jealous and controlling towards you. Definite green flag if your partner shows genuine concern, but doesn’t take it to the level of insane jealousy.
8- “Shows emotion”: Showing emotion is a good thing. Does your partner tear up over a movie? Do their eyes tear sometimes while thinking something happy? A partner should never be afraid to show positive emotion. When you genuinely love and care about someone, it’s natural to show emotion. If he/she holds it in all the time, it’s not healthy. Showing emotion in the right way is a good, healthy demonstration of ones love and caring.
9-“Initiation”: One of the big red flags in relationships is when one person is always the one initiating communication and contact. If both parties initiate communication, whether it’s via text, telephone, email or preferably in person, then you have a big green flag! By initiating communication and contact you are showing the other person they are important to you. Once again, I stress how important two way communication is. It may be the number one green flag to look for. If you both have the capability and desire to communicate with each other, it shows one another that you are both important, cared for and loved. Most importantly it demonstrates “you are worth it”.
10-“Positive feelings”: Do you find yourself throughout the day thinking of that special someone? How often do you get a smile on your face just by replaying a conversation you had with them? Do visions of their smile or something you did together cross your mind prompting a big grin? Does your stomach still get that little twinge when you know you are going to see or hear from them? Any time you have a positive feeling inside or a big grin on your face due to the fact you are thinking of him/her….go with it! Big green flag when just the mere thought of that person makes you happy inside.
Well there you have it. Ten of my “Green Flags” to consider. I have many more, but I feel these are some of the most important ones. Remember, if your guy/gal makes you smile, feel happy and laugh more than they make you cry, then you most likely have a keeper. Live, Laugh and Love fully. Keep yourself in the “Green Zone”. You will find that positives produce a much happier, productive and loving life.