Lately I have had very deep conversations with several people in regards to relationships. It surprises me how many people are emotionally broken within and they try to transpose their feelings on their mate in several ways. My most recent conversation was with a beautiful, young and successful women. She was dating a guy who was going into the NBA. He didn’t make the draft and his whole world was destroyed. The whole time she stood by his side and was there to ease his pain. He was a man that had great intentions but no follow through. He felt as if he wasn’t making a certain amount of money then his worth was devalued. In spite of her adamant show of devotion, money or not, after six years of being in a relationship with this person she walked away empty, depleted, hurt and emotionally defeated. The only thing that she feels she needs closure for is his admittance that he was not in the relationship one hundred percent unless it was about him. The question I posed to her is why she felt she needed to give so much of herself even though she saw such little in return? If you do not love yourself then how can you completely love someone else? I pose this question to everyone that I have conversations with. What is your unresolved issue that you are not dealing with that makes you stay with someone that is either abusive, lacks affection, or someone who isn’t in your corner? Why do you give so much of yourself until the point you are emotionally drained? What empty space in your own heart are you trying to fill? Everyone wants and needs to be loved. It is a natural part of human nature that not only heals, protects, and carries growth it is also the very thing that can destroy you. She is now in a space where she feels she is not connecting to anyone and everyone that she meets is lacking in some way. Is she really encountering these experiences or is she transposing her own energy into the world?
In my own experiences, I realized that I didn’t want to deal with my own realization of self. When one relationship ended I jumped into the next. When I couldn’t materialize a relationship then I invented some cause to connect to. I had to either save a friend, my family, or the world for that matter. If I didn’t have the above then I would drink away the pain. Everything I could think of to not deal with the reality of myself. I didn’t realize or recognize how much pain I was in because I would never admit that I was in pain. I never wanted to succumb to what I thought was weakness in showing vulnerability. It is something so honest in being humble and vulnerable. It leaves you open to the world to say I am flawed. I have insecurity and at times I am helpless to change outcomes that I have no control over. This is very true when dealing with others. You can’t force the outcome. It was such a painful journey for me as I woke up out of the reality that I created for myself and realized I was leaving a trail of carnage. I needed to deal with the fact that I never dealt with any pain that I experienced over the last ten years. I had hit rock bottom. I was a broken empty shell. Thanks to my family and a few good friends who also understood my pain I begin to look inward. I started to slowly crawl out of the hole I buried myself in. I started to spend more time with myself and asking myself questions that I never asked myself before. Why are you unhappy? Why can’t you show affection? Why do you feel you need to be there for everyone but yourself? Why do you feel so protective of your feelings? I was afraid to love and be loved because I was not confident enough in myself. I drank myself silly because I didn’t want to face the truth about myself. I hurt just like everyone else. To wrap it up in a pretty package; honesty with myself is what I lacked.
I had to let my demons go to move forward. I had to deal with the issues from my past that I did not want to face. I made a list of things that I knew were wrong with myself and asked others for their honest opinions. The responses that I received surprised me. I had more good qualities than I thought and the bad ones where things that were easy to correct. I just needed to make the steps necessary to bring forth change. I started meditation, exercising and I stopped drinking. I began to spend more time alone and facing myself in an honest way. The clarity that manifests itself is so beautiful. I am so happy at this point of my life that I can’t even believe who I am. Having a relationship is important but now I am stable enough in my own life to see it will come when the time is right. I also now understand who I am so I can now have a fruitful and lasting relationship with myself, my family and friends. I thank God every day for these revelations and I hope this article will help someone else to begin their journey. It will be painful but rewarding and anything worth having is worth fighting for.
Now, I am proud to say I am a business owner; Ready for Pleasure (Adult Pleasure Products – 18+ Website). I would not be able to have this business without going through what I have overcome and it is really starting to take off. I would like to thank my great friend Corey Wesley for guiding me through this and being there to push me forward. I have a great relationship with my children, my family and close friends. I have bumps in the road as I am human but I am above all at peace and happy. Now I know for certain any relationship I go into now will be much better and I can’t wait to implement my growth and change when the time is right.