It’s been awhile since we’ve posted to UrbanLand Media and as the editor in chief my goal is to deliver fresh and timely articles to our site. In addition to being the managing editor, I am also the creator which is why I take it personal when we do not met that basic expectation. When establishing a site like ours it’s success is measured by it’s solid content, the consistency of posts and having loyal readers like you.
Unfortunately, the reason for the recent inconsistency is due to my recent lose on Thanksgiving morning. My grandmother passed away. She was a very important person in my life and impacted my life in s0 many ways. Even before her passing I was aware the role she played in my life. Throughout various phases in my life she was either a grandmother, a mentor, a motivator and a protector. She was a life-line and a place of comfort if I ever needed to be reassured that I was a star, everything was going to work out and no matter what was happening I was going to be okay.
As a young adult I would speak to my grandmother at least once a week up until I reached my mid 30′s. In recent years those calls were few and in-between but I always knew she was a phone call away. Whether I needed a pep talk, someone to cheer me on (she was one of my biggest cheerleaders) or simply to hear the sound of her voice. She was the one person I could agree to disagree with.
Losing her has been tough and hard for me to swallow. Even though we didn’t speak as often as we once did just knowing she was physically here gave me the power and feeling that no matter what I was going through that everything was going to work out and I was going be okay. I never realized how much comfort and power her physical presence meant to me. She was more than a life-line she was my safety net.
Since her passing, I have not been able to describe how I feel. My feelings have been indescribable. However, it was until I heard the title to Tamar Braxton’s new song that I could describe how I am feeling, “Love & War.”
No longer having my grandmother physically here with me makes me feel like I am in a “Love & War” relationship with life. I loved her while she was physically here and now internally at war (pain and deep sadness) because she is no longer her.
Although the lyrics to the song pertain to marriage it can also feel like you’re in a “Love & War” relationship with a family member, a friend, an addiction or even when your forced to deal with losing a loved one.
For better or worse, it’s the love I experienced and felt from her presence for the last 40 years of my life makes going through this war (pain) worth it.
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