When a relationship ends…It’s NOT Over!!
Not in a “stalk your ex” kind of way…but as in “an opportunity to do something different and/or better!”
Society has, somewhat, programmed into us the ways we are to react when a relationship ends – I personally had to deprogram that nonsense because I found it to be debilitating and not very useful in getting rid of that “argh” feeling that most feel in the pit of their stomachs. So I revamped a few of the common premises to get me “back into the game” of allowing love to “find me” vs. me “chasing” love.
Here are a few of those revamps and I hope they assist you in being open to love.
The first thing I did was to immediately change my language around the “break up” —oh those two words. I told myself – hey I’m not broken and neither is my ex – we are now both “Single” and that felt a lot better than broken which implies that something needs to be fixed. I didn’t need fixing, I love me just the way I am and I am certain my previous partner felt the same. See, that language we’ve been taught is debilitating and makes being open to receive love a tad harder if we walk around feeling as if something is wrong with us. So I dropped the negative language and took on a more positive approach. I didn’t engage in the “you did this to me” but instead used “I statements” to articulate my feelings – with no inclusion of references to the ex. Which leads me to the next thing I did – I took responsibility for MY part in the dissolution of our relationship.
Taking responsibility looked something like this. I could only be responsible for what “showed” up for me. My thoughts allowed certain elements to manifest in my relationship and those things that showed up required that I take a personal inventory of my “ish” and to heal it…and to heal it quick – if I wanted love to find me. I am certain that some when getting back out there recant the “horrors” of their past relationships, “dissing” the absent partner.
Maybe this hasn’t occurred to you – but if you’re sitting there chatting to get to know the new person by telling of yourself via your past relationships AND if it’s not positive talk – you’ve just told this new person what they can expect if ever they get into and out of relationship with you. And if you’re going on and on about another person – how attractive is that really? It’s NOT sexy at all. By taking responsibility for my part, my new conversations have taken on an entirely different dynamics and I allow new folks to get to know ME, not my previous relationships.
The next thing I did was to be okay with “being single”. Again, we are taught that unless we are “coupled” something MUST be wrong with us – we’re broken. I disagree. This presented me with an opportunity to take a break, clear my head and to travel faster in my healing by continuing to be present and to get reacquainted with my new self because out of all of our life experiences we grow and evolve. So the person I was at the beginning of a relationship, should be an “evolved” me as I come out on the other side of being coupled. I learned things about myself and if I truly took sole responsibility for my part – there were probably some areas where I grew in wisdom about what works for me and what doesn’t – that’s what checking our personal inventory is all about after all. I remained opened to new experiences realizing that love came in many forms and I could focus on the one that had just left or I could focus on the many that continue to love me – I took the latter because love is constant and just a matter of “recognition”.
This next step I found most useful, and I am and will continue to be a happy camper regardless of my situation – I continued to love.
There’s an old adage used when folks diverge onto separate paths – “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone,” and that is partially correct. I felt the best way to get over it was to continue to “vibrate love” in order to ensure I attracted it into my life. Again, if I’m walking around singing that “somebody done me wrong song” who would want to connect with that – shutting down and being bitter is so NOT attractive. By continuing to love yourself, your family and friends and to be “open” to love, will get you back in a relationship, if that’s what you want, in record time – positive vibration is a wonderful love magnet. This step allowed me to take time FOR me, while getting to know new and amazing people – and not just for dating, but for friendship, as well.
So again, I say when a relationship is over – it’s not over – it is the beginning of a new chapter in your life – a chapter of doing it different and/or better so that you can receive the love you deserve – and you/I deserve all of the best kind of love the Universe can bestow.
And remember – it is truly, only an insane person who does things the exact same way expecting a different outcome. YOU are the master of YOUR outcome – My outlook is Sunny! What about yours?