The Single Side of You


I can’t believe it’s been a while since I’ve written about dating but recently a friend of mine phoned me to tell me about his recent experience and I was compelled to write about it. I was compelled to write about it because it reminds me of some of my own past experiences when I was seeing someone and then found myself in situations where my single side came out and ultimately sabotaged and changed the course of the relationship.

Let me explain. My friend recently met someone and they have been dating for the last month and it was going very well. They met as the holiday approached so that by the time the holidays were upon us, there was the extra pressure associated with it like how to spend New Year’s Eve. Although there was pressure around the actual holiday, I believe the two of them made the right choice when they decided to go to their separate parties and then meet up soon after midnight.

When the clock struck 12 they did what most newly established couples do, they called each other to wish each other happy New Year’s. During that conversation my friend’s friend said “I love you.” Although I don’t find it unusual to be said during such a momentous holiday, however my friend sounded a bit alarmed because he wasn’t sure if it was true or not.

My friend’s reaction was of excitement but then of nervousness because he wasn’t sure if he should go with it. A woman at the party told my friend that the best thing to do is not ignore it but accept it. The true answer will reveal itself once they were face-to-face.

As expected the woman was correct. When they were face-to-face my friend felt that the “I love you,” was true. The other indication was that my friend was now being introduced to this person’s best friend. This is also an indication that “I love you” might be possibly real and true. At that split-second my friend knew, based on the glances he was receiving and the fact he was being introduced to the best friend, that whatever decision he made next would set the tone for the relationship. So if they were to get in the cab and head home, the relationship would be based on only sex. Needless to say my friend really does like this person. Rather than ending the evening, my friend decided to invite the two of them out for a celebratory drink for New Year’s.

This is where the story changes. He invited them to a lounge right around the corner from where they were located, however the best friend then decided he wanted to go to another location. My friend hesitated because he knew that the location being suggested by the best friend was probably not the best location for two people who just began dating.

As they arrived to the location things started to spiral out of control. My friend’s demeanor and mood changed because he knew that going to this location would set the tone and make what seemed to be a very special evening much more casual. The location was a setting for the single and sexually charged crowd; an environment where you don’t go if you’re in a fairly new dating situation.

At this point in the story is when I had my own “aha” moment. When in a new dating situation I know we like to meet up at locations that we are most familiar with. We are creatures of habit so why not take a new love interest to a place we frequent? Well, after hearing my friend’s story I knew that if we venture out to those locations that we frequent as single individuals, there’s a higher likelihood that the single side of ourselves is going to take over without even realizing it or having the intent. So in the future, if you find yourself in a new relationship, be mindful of going to locations where your single side is likely to make an appearance.