What Is Jealousy?


Do you consider yourself a jealous person? Are you dating someone who you believe is a jealous person? What are the acts of jealousy? Do you know why jealousy exists? If not, my recent “aha” moment will have you re-defining jealousy and hopefully dropping it from your vocabulary.

Just the other day I experienced a life-changing event, which I believe has given me an entirely new understanding of the emotion we’ve coined as, “jealousy.” This break-through came soon after watching a heated argument between two people at a bar. The fact of them being together would lead you to believe they were on a date but from the argument you could tell they clearly were not. Well, I like to say it was a one-sided date.

This argument only developed after one person started to pay attention to the group of hotties at the next table. One rule of thumb, bars are a dangerous place for a nightcap after a date or when you’re hanging out with someone you like.

Don’t ever say I didn’t warn you!

As I watched the predictable situation unfold, I realized that it’s not jealously that ruins relationships it’s the lack of communication and dealing with the truth.

It was when the one guy’s interest was directed toward someone else that I knew what was going to happen next. He completely moved his entire body and chair to chat with the hotties and gave no regard to the person he was with.

After I heard, “I am leaving” in a tone we all are familiar with; I knew it was “Murder She Wrote.” Needless to say, I don’t have to continue because you can imagine what happened. It wasn’t pretty.

The behavior of a person scorned is a dangerous thing. It was classic. The person scorned left, but came back several times begging, pleading and making a scene. I believe this could have all been avoided!

The lack of communication is the reason for jealousy. We often avoid communicating because most often it involves telling the truth. Did you know there is a difference between the truth and being honest? Your truth is your inner spirit which guides you through life and is based on your experiences, perceptions, desires, culture, and individual goals in life. Honesty implies a lack of deceit and has to do with having integrity in what you do and say. The truth for the guy wishing to stay at the bar was that he was just not into the other guy. But he was not being honest because he was not communicating his feelings to the other guy. The truth for the guy wishing to leave was that he wanted more from the guy who wanted to stay. There would have been no jealousy and drama if the one wanting to stay had communicated his truth, honestly to the other guy.

My “aha” moment came when the person next to me who was also observing this misfortune between the two people said, “Isn’t jealousy a bitch!?” I suddenly turned to him and said, “jealousy doesn’t exist if there is communication.”

Date Smart… Date for Success!